taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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