Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
