just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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