Sry I called you an 8
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
