hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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