You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
