he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
