I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
