he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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