Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
