i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
