I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
