woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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