We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
