youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
