It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
