I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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