I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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