My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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