What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
