He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
