Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
