Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
