im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
