I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
