My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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