Your tits are I can't wait for
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
