Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
