Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
