I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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