You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
