When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
