My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
