I seem to have left my pride at pride
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
