I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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