so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
