I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My bed smells like the plague
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
