i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
