you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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