i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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