I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
