and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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