I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
