my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize