As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
