eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
