I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
