i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
