That's when you crack a 10am beer
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
