Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
