Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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