she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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