we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
