come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
