I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
birth control should be required to get into college
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
