Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
