Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
