I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
