went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
how does that bad decision feel?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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