you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
