I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
