I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
