God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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