I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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