He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
