We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
