Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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