I'm lost and stupid without you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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