Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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